Thuringowa, USA — President Trump announced Monday that the Department of Health and Human Services will update its recommendations on Tylenol use during pregnancy, following studies suggesting a link between the drug and autism.
The news came as a surprise, but at the same time made a lot of sense to logical and literal-thinking Thuringowan man Beau Engleman, who recalls his mother “going pretty heavy on the Tylenol” when he was a kid. Mr. Engleman, who is somewhat obsessed with things making sense, had no trouble putting this one together.
“The boys have always made fun of me for having a touch of the ’tism, and I mostly laughed it off… I’m not laughing anymore,” said Mr. Engleman.
Critics of the announcement point out that decades of research definitively show no link between Tylenol use in pregnancy and autism. They argue that the separation has been conclusively proven through pharmaceutical-funded, cherry-picked, and disingenuously interpreted studies for the better part of 60 years. This is despite the fact that HHS Secretary RFJ Jr. aptly noted there are no heavily autistic 70-year-olds—an observation that is, admittedly, hard to dispute for most sensible people.
While the jury may still be out on the supposed connection, Mr. Engleman remains firmly convinced by his logical, literal-thinking brain.
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