Thuringowa, USA — A new study out of the University of Western Thuringowa has confirmed what most American men already knew deep down: the fastest way to lose weight isn’t diet, exercise, or even Ozempic — it’s being ruthlessly roasted by your closest male friends.
The peer-reviewed paper, titled “Woah There, Big Fella!”, found that men are 15 times more likely to address weight concerns when they’re explicitly told there’s a problem — by the boys. It didn’t matter if the ribbing was mild, such as “You’ve been in a good paddock, haven’t ya buddy?” or more brutal, like “Those buttons are working harder than you ever have, you fat c***! Hahaha!”*
The subjects, while initially traumatized, ultimately appreciated the verbal flogging.
“Look, to be honest, when my buddy called me ‘fat tits’ last summer at the beach, it hurt… a lot. So much, in fact, that I finally decided enough was enough. Now I’m intermittent fasting for 18 hours a day, quit alcohol, and started running 10 miles – 7 days a week. I’m down 30 pounds so far, and I would’ve achieved absolutely none of it without the tough love shown by my dear friend,” said study participant Gerry Condon, a 36-year-old from Thuringowa Heights.
While friendly bullying is proving to be a game-changer for men, the tactic does not translate across genders. The study found that women overwhelmingly permanently banished any friend who made even the most polite, well-intentioned comment about their weight.
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