Wilmington, DE — In breaking news, President Biden has called a press conference from Anchorage, Alaska — seemingly unaware he was at his home in Greenville, Delaware. The former President had called the press conference because he heard on the wireless that the President had met Putin, and mistakenly thought it must have been him.
When asked why he thought he was there, Former President Biden responded:
“Look, folks, I thought I had to talk about this Russia summit because that’s how it always works, right? Right? I stay home, events happen, and then somebody hands me a neat little folder with notes, and I come out here and tell you what happened like I was there. That’s the system — been that way since 2020, or COVID 2019… Influenza…. Anyway — I said, ‘Joe, get out there, read the notes.’ And then I thought, wait a minute, who’s writing the notes? Jill? Is Jill writing the notes? Jill’s a doctor, she doesn’t have time to be writing about Russia. Could’ve been Corn Pop… But then I lost the note… decided to riff… Reminds me of the Oldsmobile my dad had, you had to crank it up, put the needle on just right or you’d hear nothing but static, static, static. That’s the thing about world events, folks, you gotta line the needle up real straight or else the whole thing just sounds like… like… Not the other one.”
Former President Biden was swiftly whisked away before taking any further questions.
Unsurprisingly, mainstream news sources have declined to cover this story. Stay tuned for more.
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